English English jokes

Dear Sam
your jokes are great. Thank you for those good moments :-)

Hi Sam, I don't get the joke....😢

As she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
 
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
 
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
 
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
 
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
 
 "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
 
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.
 
 
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...."
 
Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS  Repeat  
 

Einstein died and went to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear.
Einstein proceeded to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
 
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.
Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says.
"Come on in!"
 
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees Donald Trump Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, Donald."

Hi Sam, I don't get the joke....😢