English English jokes

First, I was dying to finish my high school and start college.
And then I was dying to finish college and start working.
Then I was dying to marry and have children.
And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough
so I could go back to work.
But then I was dying to retire.
And now I am dying...
And suddenly I realized
I forgot to live

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist,
"Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it is 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!'

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain."

So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him.”

Leaving Work Early

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her..

After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently she closed the door and crept out of the house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.

"No way," the blonde exclaimed. i nearly got caught yesterday

Englisch in deutschen Landen

Hello Shenaya,

I wonder, where you got all those funny illustrated jokes from?
Here is another one:

A woman notices two city employees working in the park. Whe watches them for a while, but can't figure out their duties. Finally, she asks, "I see how hard you're both working, but what are you doing? One of you digs a hole, and then the other immediately fills it up again."
so one of the city workers eyplains, "the guy who plants the trees is off sick today."

Rosemarie

Hello Rosemarie,

Your joke is very nice.
I want to write a joke too:

The Camels

The little camel asks his mother:
"Mum why do we have these big humps"?
"Because in these humps there is some water and in the hot desert
we can drink".
"And mum. Why do we have this large fur"
"Because the desert at night is so cold and then we don`t feel cold".
"And mum. Why do we got these big hoofs"?
"Because the desert the sand is hot and the hoofs save us from the
hot sand".
"But mum. What the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo"?

Greetings Gaby

A man walks into a lawyer's office and asks about the rates.
"Fifty dollars for three questions", says the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully high?" asks the man.
"Yes" the lawyer replies, "and what is your third question?"

This is supposed to be funny. Rosemarie

Two men sitting in a pub - one of them asks his friend: "Do you know the newest joke?
Berlusconi, Tebartz van Elst, Ackermann and Hansi Hinterseer meet in hell. They lie on a big grill, being rostet slowly on the fire..."
"No" the other bursts out, laughing gloatingly "dont know it, but I like the beginning of it!"[color=blue][/color]