English English jokes

That shows in a funny way, what we - generally - think of German and Chinese quality. 
But may be:  The facts seem to be reversed somehow by now
I wonder, where you get all those really funny jokes from!. You're doing well! I just enjoy it.

Thank you, dear Rose -
see, I am well connected worldwide with my large family and there are many funny pictures from the regional area wherever they live. 
The most I love those pictures and jokes from Southern Africa that my brother, my freinds  or my nephews send me from there. Just like the last one with the fly and the pane  :-) there they still believe and trust German quality.. but also with a twinkle :-) like this here


 

One day while walking downtown, a Human Resources woman was hit by a bus and was tragically killed. Her soul arrived up the Pearly Gates where she met St. Peter.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an HR manager make it this far. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in," the Saint said.
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind... I prefer to stay in Heaven."
"Sorry, we have our rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the HR manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to Hell. The doors opened and the HR manager found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends from the industry. They played a round of golf and, at night, enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She even met Devil himself who appeared to be really nice. She had a great time, but before she knew it, it was time to leave. She got on the elevator and went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates where St. Peter was waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in Heaven" he said. So the HR manager spent the next 24 hours lounging around on the clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it, her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in Hell and you've spent a day in Heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said.
The HR manager paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I think I had a better time in Hell."
So, St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the HR manager went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up garbage and putting it in sacks for the evening meal. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her and laughed at her.
"I don't understand," stammered the HR manager. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her and grinned: "That's because yesterday we were recruiting you, but today you're staff."

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. 

Just 1 byte. 

And then everything crashed.

KR - Via

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
“How do you know this, Sister?”
“My Mother Superior told me so.”
“But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?”
“Don’t be ridiculous–of course I have never taken alcohol myself”
“Then let me buy you a drink – if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life”
“How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!”
“I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know.”
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.
“Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks”, then he lowers his voice and says to the barman “and could you put the vodka in a teacup?”
“Oh no! It’s not that Nun again is it?

LG
Sam

hihihi I never expected this ending..hilarious.. hahve to get a nun's costum quickly
Sunny greetings to you

While fishing off Myrtle Beach, a Yankee tourist capsized his boat.
Petrified, he yelled to an old guy standing on the shore, “Are there any gators around here?!”

“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward shore.
Halfway there, he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the gators?”

“We didn’t do anything,” the old guy said. “The sharks got ’em.”

KR - Via

Have a nice day !

C.S.