English English jokes

that could be my beloved husband ..hihi sorry my love

Mine, too - good gracious!

greetings dear Rose,nice to hear from you..I forget to look into here and miss the nice chats we had.
Hope you are well and loking forward to the summertime? We are going for 2 weeks on the River in the Bretagne on a houseboat. Hope the water gets down a bit as there is highwater. I will look into here once in a while.
take care
Yo

Hi Yoli,
now and then I open the ST-forum just for a change in my  everyday life. But I have little time to spend more attention or engagement to it. But I really enjoy your contributions. Now I've just got through a long perios of illness - hope it's over -  and suddenly my computer makes me crazy. I must have a specialist look it over.
In summer we shall go to Edinborough to enjoy the Military Tattoo. This was my husbands dream for a long time. We've watched it on TV but in reality it must be great.
Now I wish you a happy time on a houseboat - it's surely great pleasure!
Bye, dear! Rosemarie

same here..nice to hear from you.Sorry you were ill and great hope that all is better now :-) Yes do enjoy Tattoo. Is must be a great enjoyment and Edinborough is an interesting town. Would love to hear your experience after the summer Rosemarie. Take care and bless you
Yo

......
I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM WOOLWORTHS
Yesterday I was at my local Woolworths store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Woolworths.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
Forward this now, (especially) to all your mature friends...... it will be their laugh for the day.
 

A horse walks into a bar and requests "Hello, I'd like some anthropomorphization please"
The bartender replies: "I think you've had enough already"

When you talk to your dog, your computer, your teddy bear or your car as if you were speaking to another person, you are anthropomorphizing, or attributing human characteristics like emotions and intent to a non-human entity.

 I did not know that word and had to look it up
cross your heart and hope to die if a lot of you knew the meaning of that word

the joke about Wollworth was funny and..yes you can fool noisy people quite eaysily with a good story