English English jokes
Of course there are Swiss jokes also - maybe there's some truth in 'em, too? 
When the Swiss army started an airborne division, there were three volunteers, one from Geneve, one from Basle, and one from Berne. The instructor told them, "You jump, then you count 'one, two, three', and then pull the line!" The one from Geneve jumped, and after three seconds the parachute opened, and the man landed safely. Then the guy from Basle jumped - after three seconds the parachute opened, and the man landed safely. Now the Bernese jumped - three seconds went by, four, five - the parachute didn't open, and eventually the man crashed into a field... The instructor was most upset, he told the pilot to land at once, and then sprinted to the hole where the man had hit. He laid down and looked into the darkness below, then he heard a voice saying "twooo..."
() qilin
yes of course..the Bernese are supposed to be "slow"
Here is one of my favourite comedian of past days...
Dave Allen was known as a master storyteller with a razor sharp wit. The Irish comic was renowned for his humorous anecdotes and jokes told while he was sitting on a tall stool with a whiskey glass in hand.
Born of July 6 1937, Allen was originally from Tallaght, Dublin. The ex-journalist turned TV personality captured the world’s hearts in the 1960s and 70s.
He was known as one of the most controversial comedians in the United Kingdom as he frequently highlighted political hypocrisy and demonstrated his disregard for religious authority. His delivery was dry and sophisticated but was backed up with razor sharp intelligence that cut through the absurdities of life and religion. Allen died in 2005 but remains one of the world’s favorite Irish stand-ups.
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a Mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya think £5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
'I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas but is she grateful? No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.' Eric Morecambe
‘When I was a kid, I asked my mum what a couple was and she said: “Oh, two or three.” And she wonders why her marriage didn’t work out.’ Josie Long
‘My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the hell she is.’ Ellen DeGeneres
One more Dave Allen
I suppose Ireland is the best place in the world for directions. People will say to you, “I wouldn’t start from here if I were you.”
The classic: on my way to Limerick and I said to this fella do you know where this place is? And he said, “Ahh yes. Ahh yes. Ohh God yes. Now go down the road, straight down the road just follow your nose. Ahh keep going straight and you’ll see a turn on the right hand side. Now ignore that. And then there’s a second turn on the right hand side and ignore that one as well. There’s two, three, four, five. Five turns on the right hand side, ignore them. Then you see a house on the left hand side, turn left there. That’s where you want to go.”
And I said why did you tell me about all the right hand turns? Why didn’t you just say take the first on the left? And he said “Who’s giving these directions, me or you?”
Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall... On the condition he gets to install windows.
Trump calls Angela Merkel's office. Secretary answers.
Trump: "Whats the time difference between Washington and Berlin"?
Secretary: "Just a second, Mr. President…"
Trump: "Thanks"
LG Sam
there would be soooooo many jokes about Trump
but they are not funny
because they are true hihi
inspite of an other one
Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife, Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like
(Das funktioniert eigentlich nur phonetisch)
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Everybody can roast beef!
I am tempted to say that one can pee into the soup..but of course it is cheating a bit..
would be nice to have a sort of reaction to jokes we write..if funny > apppropriate or boring.
Just a thought
hope it does not stop anyone from posting now
greetings Yo
I agree with you, would be nice to get some feedback. :)
And don't you dare cheating! I like my pea soup unspoiled. ;)
There you go there are two of us now liking some feedback..you will get them from me..promise
about the pea soup
to be honest I never had any pea soup
not with...hihi you know
or without
But I do like soups
maybe we could talk about food here and call them jokes. Not many would notice??