English English jokes

Many women think
the way to a man's heart
is through his stomach.
Some women have found a
more interesting way.

Yoli, I still can`t stop laughing about that damned joke with the funeral. It is 5 days now! Maybe I have to see a doctor !? My son is also infected!    I will have to see this thread more often, britti

greetings Britti and great to read you :-)
I have stopped putting jokes in here. Two reasons
1.)  we are away  a lot with the campervan and have no internet (mostly)
and
it seemed to me that not many people were interested. 

I do have some more nice jokes..just off to find one for you
Happy New Year Britti
love Yoli

Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people of the world. Told them to " F**k Off". Anyone who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!!

I do hope you have recovered now Britti from the shock about the funeral joke ..
here is one more to ponder over

When you have an “I hate my job day”
Try this out;
Stop at the pharmacy, go to the thermometer section und purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson
Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock the door and close the curtains over the windows and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Sit in your favourite chair and open the package of the thermometer.
Now the fun begins.
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print you will read a statement:
“Every rectal thermometer from Johnson & Johnson has been personally tested and re-sanitized”.
Now close your eyes and repeat five times, “I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.”

Thank you Yoli for your further jokes and greetings. I will keep my eyes open for a joke for YOU!
 

Just found one:

 "I wasn't that drunk yesterday."
"Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."

With love, britti

how sweet...I aways want the shower head to be happy ...hihi.
btw
I love your Schamanenbaum Picture.
Love Yoli

Another funeral joke:

At a great funeral, after a lot of eulogies, the coffin started to move on a conveyor to the background, where a huge red heart was painted. When it arrived, the heart opened and the coffin went in - then the heart closed again. A newcomer asked what that meant, and was told the deceased had been a well-known cardiologist. The man stared, began giggling, and then broke out in laughter. When asked contemptuously "What's so funny about this funeral?" he said, still giggling, "I don't laugh about this one, I'm imagining my own - I'm a gynecologist..."

........ or a proctologist ........

Edita