English English is easy?

“English is easy,” is the common belief. Don’t ever believe it, dear friends . . .

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Once we explore the paradoxes of the English language, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Let's face it – English is a crazy language.

Danke. Kannst du mir bitte mitteilen, wo ich den English-Kurs finde? Er sollte eingerichtet werden.

Es tut mir leid, rehse, da kann ich leider nicht helfen. Diesen oder ähnliche Text habe ich früher gelegentlich verwendet, als ich in einer Sprachschule Englisch unterrichte, damit der Unterrichtnicht so trocken war. Aber das ist Jahre her, und ich kann Dir heute nicht mehr sagen, welche davon ich selbst erarbeitet und welche ich irgendwo gefunden hatte. Den hier veröffentlichten fand ich zufällig in alten Unterlagen und dachte mir, als ich die Spalte Fremdsprachen hier im Forum sah (ich bin noch neu hier), dass er gut hierher passen würde.
Gruß
Tina

Danke für deine schnelle Antwort.
Habe inzwischen erfahren, dass der English-Kurs nicht neu eingerichtet wird.
Technische Probleme sind der Hauptgrund.
Aber dein Beitrag hat mir sehr gut gefallen.
Habe mir auch das Buch von Peter Littger "The devil lies in the detail" gekauft. Untertitel English made in Germany. Werde ich mal studieren. Du kennst das Buch sicherlich schon.
Gruß rehse

Nein, ich kenne es noch nicht - musste aber schon beim Lesen des Titels lachen Ich habe viele Jahre in Australien gelebt. Angekommen mit dürftigem Schul-Englisch, habe ich in der Anfangszeit auch so manches Mal unfreiwillig zur Erheiterung beigetragen, aber gelegentlich auch etwas irritierte Mienen erlebt, z. B. als ein Herr bei einem Fest auf eine Dame deutete, die seine Frau sei. Meine bewundernde Reaktion: "Oh, isn't she vicious!" (gemeint war vivacious).
Viel Spaß beim Lesen des Buchs!
Tina

Ja, den Spaß werde ich hoffentlich haben und einen Lernerfolg dazu.
Habe ja von einem bekannten Hirnforscher gehört, dass auch im Alter gelernt werden kann. Nur geht das dann langsamer! Aber Zeit ist ja da.
Bitte, schreibe weiter. Wünsche viel Spaß beim ST.
Zu Australien eine kleine Geschichte. Mein Nachfolger war in einer Anstellung aus Australien zurückgekommen, weil das neugeborene Mädchen das Klima (Perth) nicht vertrug. Die Familie wäre sonst dort geblieben. Als mehrere Männer mal in einer einsamen Gegend über ein Feld streiften, sahen sie am Rand ein Häuschen mit Herz. Aus Jux hat einer auf das Häuschen gezielt und war schon sehr erschrocken als ein Mann mit festgehaltenen Hosen heraus stürmte.
Es war nochmal gut gegangen.
Gruß
rehse

Warst Du auch schon einmal in Australien? Wenn ja, wo?

Bezüglich Lernen ist es wohl wie mit der körperlichen Fitness: Regelmäßiges Training bringt den Erfolg
Hier eine kleine Übung, die Dich vielleicht ein Weilchen beschäftigt:

E-Mail to Tech. Support for Program Wife 1.0

Dear Software Engineer,
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure!
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Smoking 10.3, Boozing 2.5 and Saturday Night Pubs 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications like Night Club 4.3, Dance 'n' Drunk 2.0 and Bachelor Party 7.77.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall-procedure does not work on this program. Once I tried to uninstall Wife 1.0 but got this error "General protection Fault in module House Security. The uninstallation will abort."
Can you help me, please!!!
Regards,
Desperate User

Reply from Tech. Support
Ref: Upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 Wife 1.0

Dear User,
This is a very common problem many men complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that
Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program, but Wife 1.0 is actually an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run EVERYTHING.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge Wife 1.0 from the system once installed. Therefore, you cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this, and some who have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or exchange Wife 1.0 for Wife 2.0 ended up with more problems than with the original system.
Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support" which was given to you at the time of registration with Wife 1.0. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs).

The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\>APOLOGIZE. In fact I would suggest you use this command every time Wife 1.0 crashes on your system. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0 or Movies 4.5, which are sure to improve the performance of Wife 1.0.
Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support

Very amusing Tina.. all of your insertions.
I kept on reading them. The "Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear." amongst many, I loved.
It sounds as if you are a bit homesick for Australia?
I have the same with England.
Yes we have been to Australia many times. > On all coasts. Only 2 years ago, we hired a camper and drove from Perth to Darwin.
Which part of Australia did you live?
We can surely abuse this thread a bit for just chatting?
Take care
Love Yoli

We can surely abuse this thread a bit for just chatting?

Why not? Gives the ones regretting lack of action here something to read

Yes, I am homesick for Australia since - after holidaying there every
year for many years - we have decided to refrain from long-distance trips from now on, which was not an easy decision to take as we have a daughter and family in Argentine, a daughter in Australia, and a son in America. Anyway, we can't complain. We have seen a lot of the world and of Australia. I spent 12 yrs. in Perth, and Western Australia still is the part I love most.

Warst Du auch schon einmal in Australien? Wenn ja, wo?

Bezüglich Lernen ist es wohl wie mit der körperlichen Fitness: Regelmäßiges Training bringt den Erfolg
Hier eine kleine Übung, die Dich vielleicht ein Weilchen beschäftigt:

E-Mail to Tech. Support for Program Wife 1.0

Dear Software Engineer,
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure!
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Smoking 10.3, Boozing 2.5 and Saturday Night Pubs 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications like Night Club 4.3, Dance 'n' Drunk 2.0 and Bachelor Party 7.77.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall-procedure does not work on this program. Once I tried to uninstall Wife 1.0 but got this error "General protection Fault in module House Security. The uninstallation will abort."
Can you help me, please!!!
Regards,
Desperate User

Reply from Tech. Support
Ref: Upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 Wife 1.0

Dear User,
This is a very common problem many men complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that
Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program, but Wife 1.0 is actually an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run EVERYTHING.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge Wife 1.0 from the system once installed. Therefore, you cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this, and some who have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or exchange Wife 1.0 for Wife 2.0 ended up with more problems than with the original system.
Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support" which was given to you at the time of registration with Wife 1.0. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs).

The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\>APOLOGIZE. In fact I would suggest you use this command every time Wife 1.0 crashes on your system. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0 or Movies 4.5, which are sure to improve the performance of Wife 1.0.
Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support

Nein, ich war selbst noch nicht in Australien. Werde es auch nicht mehr schaffen. Aber ein guter Freund hat dort länger gelebt und ist nur zurück nach D. gekommen, weil seine Frau bei einem Unglück verstorben ist.

Danke für die Unterstützung mit den Vokabeln für den "technischen" Bereich - mit Augenzwinkern! So wird das Lernen mehr Spaß machen.
Ich werde das bearbeiten und habe mir für den Bereich "Mode" englische Beiträge aus einem Blog im Internet notiert.